chewing fingernails, still

Tonight at Il Fornaio, hubby and I ran into P. from my moot court class. She's working this summer at a local law firm and staying up the peninsula, having a nice time and settling comfortably into the nonschool lifestyle. She told me that as of this morning, all of her grades had already been posted.

"And how do you feel?" I asked her.

"Good," she said, unemphatically, but with a humble smile and a notable ring of relief in her voice.

"Good for you!" I replied, and meant it. But at the same time I worried: how far back in line am I, really?

"I can look for you to see if your grades are posted yet," my husband told me on the drive home.

"No," I said, emphatically, unrelieved. And then, five minutes later, in a much smaller voice: "I am so tired of being scared. I don't want to be scared any more."

I may just be in denial now, but I refuse to chew on that fear again for as long as I can avoid it.

thus spake /jca @ June 9, 2003 10:32 PM